Bouncy Birthday

Because of  Toe's CF and our need to avoid germs, Toe has not been to many kids' birthday parties. They are often held at indoor play spaces (germs), bowling alleys (more germs), or other public venues and in general we have avoided them. Last summer he was able to attend one at a friend's house that was simply wonderful, but that has pretty much been it. Until Saturday.

My friend has a son nine months younger than Toe. They play together really well and over the past year, we have had  a number of play dates together. When she emailed that Mr. G's fifth birthday was coming up and it would be held at the local "Bouncy House," I couldn't say no. So we went. Toe loved it. He loved the three bouncy houses, the things to ride on, and playing with the other kids . The party had a relatively small group of kids and there were not many other visitors to the place that day. I put myself in zen mode and went with the flow. Toe ate applesauce and carrots with juice for lunch (forget his high fat diet) and played for two solid hours.

Afterward, we drove 1 mile to my mother's house, stripped him, and put him in the shower. One shower and a change of clothes later, we headed home.

It is tough finding a balance for Toe's health. I don't want him to get sick, but I want him to have as normal a childhood as possible. It seems that every choice we make is a calculated risk. I think Kindergarten has been good for me in that regard. It certainly is a calculated risk every day; and in comparison, the Bouncy House didn't seem so bad. Toe now wants to celebrate his birthday (in January) at the Bouncy House. We're going to have to really think about that one.

So now we wait to see if he caught anything....

Consequences

Well, Toby learned a new word yesterday: consequences. He was already familiar with cause and effect: if you have your hand near a nail and miss, you will likely hit your hand. He's not great at predicting cause and effect, but he respects my judgement most of the time.

I must preface this story by saying no none got hurt, nor did anything major occur. But I feel that by introducing that word to Toe, we have entered a new phase in our relationship, one where Toe is expected to take more responsibility for his actions.

I also have to say, being an only child sometimes stinks. You can't get away with anything. If Toe had a younger sibling, this event would have probably gone unnoticed or would have happened with a quick clean up and not the "consequences" that happened. I have a niece who does this kind of stuff regularly when my sister's back is turned.

The first time it happened, I let it slide.

Toe was given a lovely box of blocks that had a layer of Styrofoam at the bottom. The blocks nestled perfectly inside the box and it took some serious concerted effort to make them fit. It was a puzzle complicated for an adult, so the blocks were moved to a bigger venue. The box with the Styrofoam has remained in the living room. One day I found Toe poking holes in the Styrofoam with a drumstick. He was having such fun, I didn't want to take it away from him. I said, "Hey Buddy, did you ask me if you could do that?" Long pause.
"No."
"Next time, ask me before you start tearing apart something like that. I'm fine with it, but ask please."
"Ok Mom."
He went on poking holes.

Toe has worked on this piece for weeks. Slowly ripping off pieces, rolling them in his fingers until they break into small pieces, poking holes in the middle and seeing if any pieces drop off. It has been a complete project and I have been fascinated by the intensity with which he approaches this.

He got ready to work on it the other day and I said, "There are getting to be a lot of little pieces in there. You can play with it in the box, but I don't want you to get any on the floor."

Thirty minutes later, his bedroom floor was covered with Styrofoam snow. "Toby, I TOLD you I didn't want you to get any on the floor. Now you need to pick it up, every last piece."

Toe said, "You'll help me, right?'

"NO," I said,"I won't."

"But that's not fair," he said, "We should pick it up together." (we do almost always clean together).

"Not fair?" My voice was rising a little by this time, "I ASKED you not to spread that around and you  CHOSE to do it anyway. When that happens, there are consequences for your actions. You need to clean it up."

Long pause. "Ok, you might have a point there." Longer pause as he picked up the tiny pieces, then, "Mom, this goes a lot faster if we work together..."

Needless to say, Toe picked up all of the Styrofoam pieces and we talked about how hard they are to pick up. I told him that when I was his age, we had a bean bag chair with a bad leak and my mom removed all of the Styrofoam balls and stuffed it with giant chunks of foam rubber (not the most uncomfortable solution, but highly unattractive to a five year old).

All in all, I think the lesson went pretty smoothly. Time will tell if it stuck. The more I thought about it, the more I realize that consequences are a huge part of our adult lives. And often, we don't think about consequences when we act. Or we weigh the consequences with our desire to do whatever it is and desire wins. When I go to bed late, I often do it with the knowledge that I will pay for it the next day or the day after (this gets worse, the older I get). When I eat foods that are great for Toe, but not so great for me, I pay for it over time. Pretty much every action has a positive or negative consequence, and although I advocate living in the moment as much as you can, I also believe it is important to be aware that choices made now will have those consequences. Toe's lesson could have been easily applied to many of the choices I make, except as a grown up I don't get called on it as often.

So, consequences. You can bet Toe and I both will be paying a little better attention to the possible outcomes of our actions.

Junior Ranger

The Netul Landing, about a mile from the site

 On a sunny day a few weeks ago, I took Toe to Fort Clatsop for the first time. It was a perfect afternoon - sunny with little wind. We decided to hike in, so we parked at the Netul Landing and began to walk. Along the way, we stopped to look at "fuzzy bear" caterpillars, dried leaves, and anything else that struck our fancy. We saw a heron perched on a tree nearby. The river was beautiful.

On the trail

I have not been to the fort since it burned down and was rebuilt (around 1997). Sadly, there were no demonstrations that day, but they now have a large screen computer in the lobby of the Visitors' Center that has videos of candle making, rifle loading, bullet making, and other demonstrations they do through the summer. They also have an incredible movie of the Lewis and Clark Expedition told from the Clatsop/Chinook perspective. It does a really great job of putting the Expedition into the context of the people who actually lived here all of the time. We learned about Clatsop/Chinook lifestyles and perspectives.

At the National Parks, they have a Junior Ranger program where they give you a workbook (ours was for kids ages 3-8) where you do the same number of pages as your age (for Toe - 5 pages) and then you receive a Junior Ranger badge. The pages offer a variety of projects: coloring, word find, plant identification, a rebus story, map identification. It was a great way to help Toe pay attention and the payoff was pretty amazing. He had to take the Junior Ranger pledge and then was given a badge and some patches. After the pledge, the volunteer at the desk got on the loudspeaker and announced that someone had just earned their junior ranger badge and everyone there (all grandparents - the area draws them this time of year) applauded. Toe left the Fort glowing. I can see we likely have Boy Scouts in our future.

Guarding the Fort

With permission from Toe, here is Toe's journal entry from that day (he dictates and I ask him questions and between the two of us we get it written down):

"I became a Junior Ranger in just five and a half years. Young, huh? It had mostly to do with the pledge. It also had to do with my Junior Ranger stuff. I am Captain of the tribe.

We went to Fort Clatsop today. We walked two miles - one there, one back. That's kind of like the Aquarium to Dama's. A lot of blocks is a mile. We walked on a rocky path. We found three fuzzy bears along the way - two going forward and one on the way back. Today was a great day. Sadly I didn't find any more fuzzle wuzzle bears. I named them all. One was Fuzzy Bear. Another was Cuddlepie or cut-a-pie. My brain says I don't think I remember the third one.

At Fort Clatsop we saw some trees. We saw the Fort. The fort was a place that went back a lot of years ago. We saw movies - of a mother telling young people that her father traded with Lewis and Clark. There was another woman, she had a baby (Mom's note: Sacagawea). There was another movie where they were firing a gun and a cockpit (?). You had to load it every time because it was a single shot weapon. And sadly the animal would run away if you missed, because he'd see you shoot."

Playing soldier, allowing entrance to the fort

Pretending we lived there

Taking the Junior Ranger pledge

His new badge

On the Trail on the way back, Toe stopped everyone we ran into and dug through his pockets to pull out the two patches he earned and had to show the patches and his badge. Every person we ran into took the time to listen to him and wait while he fished around the gazillion pockets of his Junior Ranger vest (gift from Mom for the occasion. I couldn't help it). Thank you to all of the grandparents who take the time to listen to random five year olds!