Loving Lenore

Post-Christmas dinner, 2015 (steak!)

 Right before Christmas, my eighty-four year old cousin, the yoga instructor with 1/4 of an acre in the city who lived off her garden all summer, went into the ER with numbness on her right side and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The tumor was deep in her thalmus and a biopsy was not possible. They did two weeks of radiation therapy to see how the tumor would react. As it did not react at all, they are pretty sure it was a glioma. Len's decline was rapid.

She went from fully mobile in late December to supporting herself on furniture and walls (she couldn't feel her feet but could still walk) to walking with a walker. Each week she has been weaker and we've been working to keep up. At first I thought she would do radiation and heal and be back in her garden by spring. Lenore knew better. She announced she was dying and that she had two months... Adjusting my expectations weekly was rough. She finally accepted Hospice care in early February and died February 19.

The amazing thing is that through this whole process she experienced a state of euphoria. She was not afraid of the process or dying and barring a few bumps accepted each new decline with grace and joy. She felt no pain. She was delighted to see visitors. Someone described her as "wallowing in joy."

Lenore was able to pass away gently in her own home thanks to an amazing team of friends and family. Kelli, a friend from Lenore's St. Andrews Catholic Church days (10 years ago), arrived at her doorstep, asking what she could do and ended up moving in with Lenore and providing 24/7 care for the two months of Lenore's decline. My dear friend Alisha served as her Medical Power of Attorney, coordinating all of Lenore's doctor and radiation visits (and attending many), and coordinating friends to come give Kelli respite every day. I served as Lenore's Power of Attorney and visited once a week, working to help Lenore file paperwork and apply for services as needed. An army of friends came to spend time with her, bringing her flowers and steak (her preferred food). With technical help from Alisha and her husband, Greg, Lenore was able to Skype with her daughter, Kathi, for hours each weekend.

Lenore's friends helped to re-house her animals (her dog came to us, the cats and fish went to friends) and have been incredibly supportive throughout the entire process. After her death, The Movement Center, one of the places Lenore taught yoga and where she was part of the community, held a Phowa for her, a traditional Tibetan Buddhist ceremony to help her spirit ascend. The ceremony was incredibly moving, a perfect memorial for a woman who lived life so fully.

It was an amazing journey, one that I can not capture in a blog post. As executor, it is now my gift to Lenore to close down the remains of her life. This involves a lot of paperwork, and going through her house... Alisha, Mom, Toe, Jason, and Lenore's friend Michelle have been by my side.

This is a sharp learning curve and I'm still in shock. The process has involved coming to terms with the fact that Lenore was dying, helping her on that journey, getting the pieces in place to make the clean-up easier, learning what being an executor entails.... I miss her. That's the bottom line.