The New 30

I turned 40 this summer. Not sure where my 30's went. Not sure where this summer went. The celebrations lasted about a week and one hardcore friend sent me a birthday card every day of July (I think a few may have come in June, too). It was a variety of parties in a variety of groupings/scenarios, all just right for me. Thanks to everyone who attended and a special thanks to Miss Bluestars for throwing not one but three parties for me!

The barbecue the night before:

The Actual Day:

 The Hike/Picnic and Elegant Dinner/Slumber Party

After this, I crashed and burned for a few days. But the next weekend, we had another tea party with R and A!

Great times with great friends. I feel so fortunate.

Lessons From Preschool

I am regularly hearing the lessons Toe learned in preschool applied in new contexts. One of the most recent happened on a drive a few days ago. We were driving along the highway and a car pulled out in front of me. There was plenty of room, it was a normal driving scenario, but from the back I heard, "Mom, that car went in front of you!"
"Yes," I said.
"But it cut in front of you in line!" (complete indignation in his tone of voice) "At preschool the teachers say that you are not supposed to cut in front of people in line. You go to the back of the line."

I had a moment of panic as I tried to think how to explain the situation while respecting the *important* rule he had learned at preschool. In the end, I explained that drivers wait for an opening in traffic - that it was kind of like waiting for the end of one line. Because there had been a space, we were the beginning of the next line. He accepted it. This time.

The part that fascinates me is that all year I have been asking him about preschool - what he learned, who he played with, how his day went... It was like pulling teeth. I could get some information some days, but I really had to piece it together. Toe mostly reported on friendships and group dynamics. I heard next to nothing about actual lessons or curriculum. I wasn't worried, he had great teachers whom I trusted completely. But now, as we go about our business through the day, I hear Toe trying to make sense of his world through the lens of the lessons he learned in preschool. This example is probably not the best one, because it makes his preschool sound much more regimented than it really was, but it is the one that sticks in my mind because it took me by surprise. I often wonder what else is going on inside that head of his, how he is working to make sense of the things that happen in his world.

Party Party!

Toe went to his first kid birthday party yesterday. He has been invited to many others, but they have been held at the bowling alley (germs), the local kids' indoor play space (more germs), or other germy places. This one was held at the friend's house, so we went. It was perfect. There were four boys there, including the birthday boy, and the older brother had two friends, so there were only seven kids total. Mothers and fathers showed up, so it felt more like a barbecue than a birthday party. Since all of the kids had gone to the same preschool (including the older kids), they all had an understanding of how to play with each other gently, and it was just a mellow, happy get together.

I spent time getting to know some other mothers and taking photos (because that's how I roll). Toe needed a little side coaching on how to act during the present-opening portion of the event (Toe, it's about E., not about you. Your job is to sit and appreciate. This is his day.). He was thrilled that he got to drink juice AND eat watermelon. The only trouble we had was that he didn't want to leave at the end. Hopefully we will see more of these families this summer. We were all surprised to discover that we live in a one-mile radius. It is exciting to have some friends nearby.

Graduation Season

 

 I've always been sort of dubious about the number of graduations there are these days: preschool, kindergarten, elementary school... it all seemed so contrived to me. Now that I am a parent actually experiencing it, I understand why they have them.

Joseph Campbell talks about the importance of ritual and public celebration. Birth, coming of age, marriage, death, are all celebrated by the community and the individual and community are stronger for it. I get it. But, I also am beginning to understand that some of the smaller milestones need recognition too. I saw that public celebration recently at my son's preschool graduation.

It was a simple affair. The kids had hats, sat at circle for the last time, sang three songs they have learned through the year (one about respecting themselves, one about how to say no, and one about how to call on an adult figure if situations could not be resolved... I approved), and were given diplomas, books, and small tokens. The whole thing took twenty minutes.

Toe and his friends had a great time. Parents, grandparents, and siblings were there to bear witness to the last day these friends would have together in this space. The kids are moving on to three different elementary schools in the region. And Toe has come so far. At the beginning of the school year, he was terrified to be in a situation without his mom or dad there. He was reassured during the first few days of school, but also clingy. Over the months, Toe came to feel that this was his space, these were his people, and he belonged. He would walk into the room like Norm in that old tv show Cheers, knowing that his place was assured. He built many skills - most importantly, the ability to play with friends his own age. And he made some great friends, ones whom we will continue to see outside of school.

This is completely thanks to Mrs. Raihala and Ms. Allen, the wonderful teachers at Grace Preschool. They create an atmosphere of calm and respect that allows these children to feel safe, loved, and ready to explore. Learning happens through play, and children are given ample time for self exploration, as well as instruction. The kids sang, did yoga, did imaginative play, built, painted, learned to clean up.... all in a relaxed and happy atmosphere. Parents only were able to volunteer once a month, so I was only able to attend a few days, but I loved what I saw, and I love the things that I hear at home even more. 

Next year, as it stands, he will be going to Kindergarten half days at the local elementary school. We will see if the school is able to meet Toe's needs and if he stays healthy. If it doesn't work, we would send him back to Grace Preschool in a heartbeat (the education he needs is more social than academic at this point). They took care of his CF needs willingly and helped Toe learn how to interact with other people. They have created a foundation for us - the first base beyond what his parents can teach him - that will be with him for the rest of his life.

If that's not worth celebrating, I'm not sure what is.

Tidepooling

Some tide pools are easily accessible, some are not. These days, we go for easy.

 We love to go tidepooling. It has been a family habit since we moved back to the coast. People often ask me what tidepooling is and so here's a brief description. Where we live, the tide comes in twice and retreats twice in an approximate 25 hour period. On a rocky coastline, when the tide is out, the life that attaches to or lives among the rocks is either exposed to the air or left stranded in little "tidal pools." At extremely low tide, the tide pools become easily accessible and it provides an opportunity to see how and where these animals live.

A typical tide pool area.

 First, a few rules and recommendations:
1. Go at least an hour before low tide so that the tide is going out during much of your visit.
2. Keep your eyes on the ocean. There can be sneaker waves, or the tide can start coming in. Use caution. If you have not gone tidepooling before, it is good to go with someone who has done it before or to a place like Haystack Rock where there are a lot of people. Don't go way out on the rocks and get stranded. This does happen.
3. Set some guidelines with any kids beforehand. Ours with Toe are:
    a. In the ocean, only go up to your ankles unless a grown up is right with you. You can go up to  your knees in tide pools.
     b. You come when we call you and do what we ask the first time or tidepooling is over.
     c. Stay in our sight.
4. Respect that tide pools are home for wildlife. If you climb on rocks, climb in areas where there are few animals - walk on tough barnacles instead of soft anemones - just generally tread lightly.
5. Wear old clothes and tennis shoes and take towels and a change of clothes. You will get wet. If you are a cautious adult, you might get by with rain boots or hiking boots, but you definitely do NOT want to wear sandals. The rocks and barnacles can easily cut your feet.
6. Take a camera and binoculars. You never know what you might find or see. 

J and Toe are looking at the different zones in the intertidal area

 Tide pools are amazing for a number of reasons. First, that life can handle the extremes of being under water, being pelted by the surf, and then out in the open air is astonishing. Many animals in the intertidal zone actually need to go through that wet/dry cycle. Second, the more you look, the more you will see. There is life of every size, shape, and color in every nook and cranny. Creatures live crammed together, on top of each other, piled, stacked, and mashed. Third, it is an amazing opportunity to see predator/prey relationships up close. See the cute starfish? It is likely prying apart the mussel underneath it at this very moment (for lunch).  Also, many of the creatures in the intertidal zone look drastically different when they are under water than when they are exposed to air. Anemones are the prime example of this. When underwater, these beautiful creatures look like flowers. But when exposed to air, they close up. They look like lumpy, sandy, shell-covered doughnuts. You might not even recognize them as live creatures.

Over time, your eyes adapt to notice a variety of life. J can spot nudibranchs I would never see.

A sea star attached firmly to the rock, and likely having a lovely  mussel lunch.

If you climb on rocks, tread lightly, and hold on to your kid. It can be slippery!

Not sure if you can see these three anemones. The one on the left is open, the way it is under water. The two on the right are closed, the way you would see them exposed to the air.

Put kids in old tennis shoes, not boots. We were emptying the boots every 2 minutes.

 My favorite part of tidepooling is the fact that it is a multi-sensory experience. There are so many textures, smells, sights, and sounds while you are out there. The barnacles and mussels drying on the rocks make a skk skk skk noise... it is hard to describe. Like photos that can only caption one portion of a vast horizon, these photos can not do the experience justice. And now that Toe is old enough to really walk on his own, we plan to do it much more often.

Ooops! This one came out sideways. They are listening to the barnacles and mussels.

Oh yeah... Take snacks and water for afterwards. You will be hungry!

An Egg-straordinary Easter

This may have been the best Easter I can remember. The day before, the weather was warm and sunny, so Toe and I went into the back yard and re-potted some plants, played in the dirt, and had a picnic.

 That evening, Toe colored Easter eggs.

The spiral was mine. The rest were Toe's.

 The Easter Bunny came to our house and hid the eggs Toe had colored and left a lovely basket. When we went to our friends' house for brunch, we discovered that the Easter Bunny had been there too and had left eggs there for Toe to find among the daffodils. It was really wonderful. There, the bunny had left some decorated hard-boiled eggs and some candy-filled plastic ones. The plastic shells and real eggs went into the basket. The candy was stuffed into Toe's pockets until they could bulge no further.

 We had a wonderful brunch with M and R and then J went to work and the rest of us went out onto the lawn and played Bocce (which does have an Easter feel to it, when you think of it).  Then on to Mom's house for Easter part 3. Toe and Mom made "Bunny salads" - a real 1950's treat. A canned pear half on a bed of cottage cheese with marshmallow ears and tail and a maraschino cherry nose. Surrounded by jelly bellys. It was actually pretty tasty. Then Toe snuggled in and read stories with Mom.

 The weather was perfect, the adventures were age-appropriate, the company was delightful, it was a relaxing, happy day. Hope your Easter was as joyful (and Beck, sorry yours was really not this year...).

Ma-Wha?

Ok, so March was a complete wash for us. The afternoon of March 1, Toe came down with a 100 degree fever. His temp stayed over 100 for a week. Meanwhile, Jason and I got sick, too. Head colds, nothing major. However, as usual, the head cold traveled to Toe's chest and settled in. J and I got better. Toe's cough just wouldn't go away. We did three breathing treatments a day to keep his mucus moving through his lungs and did saline rinses in his nose daily (you can tell he was sick, because HE suggested it). We kept in touch with the CF clinic and finally we all decided it was time for antibiotics. Then a two week course of antibiotics. I don't know about other kids, but Toe on antibiotics is like Robin Williams at the height of his stand-up comedy years. Tons of energy and he does. not. stop. talking. Even more than normal. He sleeps poorly and is just wired the rest of the time.

Breathing treatment early in the month. He was asleep.

We hardly left the house. Pretty much we were limited to eating, breathing treatments, and a little play in-between. We watched so many animated movies, I can't remember them all. Toe was climbing the walls by the end and we were SO grateful when our return to two breathing treatments a day coincided with some lovely weather.

Needless to say, it was a long month for all of us and we are so delighted to have a healthy stint.