The Kindergarten Kid

 Is it possible for a child to literally be changed overnight? I took my son to Kindergarten Wednesday, a young child and yesterdayI had an independent elementary school kid. It has been coming for a while, but it seemed like a pronounced difference between the two days.

Stepping back a bit, Toe started Kindergarten this week at the elementary school where my father taught in the mid '80's.  When we went in for our early meeting with his teacher, the school nurse, and the school counselor, we went into the basement at the opposite end of the hall from my father's old classroom. Very surreal. We went into the school last week for a meeting with the staff to agree on the procedures and protocols surrounding Toe's CF. There are many. He needs to be kept in separate rooms from the other child at the school with CF (the bad bacteria in their lungs is not contagious except to each other). This means a choreographed dance as they each go to get enzymes from the office. Toe has accommodations in the classroom and the school. The meeting was productive and satisfactory. I left feeling that our needs will be met.

The first day of school was overwhelming for me. Toe goes in the afternoon and the first thing they do is go to lunch. This means no real check-in in the classroom. It was slightly chaotic and there were a lot a lot a lot of kids in the building - all K-2. We took him to the cafeteria and left him settling into eating his lunch. I managed to keep it together until we got back into the car. I thought I was really fine with Toe making this transition, but .... not so much.

It hit me as a complete surprise. I worry about his medical issues but not so much about him as a person. After seeing the chaos, all of those kids, I was hit with the overwhelming fears - what happens if he gets lost? What happens if he gets scared and forgets how to ask for help? What happens if he gets sick today? What if he forgets to wash his hands enough. He went to preschool last year, but his class had twenty children in it. We must have gone past a hundred children as we entered the school. I think the total school population is over 300 (all K-2. Imagine the number of runny noses this winter and you will see why I panicked! Yes, I know all kids get sick in winter, but K-2 still use their sleeves or just let it run down their noses more...).

 As we left the building I wondered why we were going to all of this trouble and risk and why we didn't send Toe back to his wonderful preschool for another year and then put him in first grade. BTW, I do have answers for this: Toe is excited to be with his peers from last year. He needs to learn institutional discipline (walking in rows, listening to the teacher, etc.) if he is going to continue in public school. Kindergarten is half day, 5 days a week - a good transition to a the full day of first grade. If we plan to have Toe go to public school at all, this is an important step. And the most important one: Toe is excited to go to Kindergarten. However, if he does get sick too much this year, we can send him back to the preschool if necessary. I just want to make sure it is the right choice and not a choice because I feel better about it.

I came home and cried to J and called my mom. My girlfriends came over and calmed me down.

When I went to pick Toe up, he didn't want to leave. The next day, he was excited to get to school.That day parent drop off happened in the lobby. We waited in the lobby until the kids from the  bus came in, walking single file, and then Toe tagged on at the end of the line and went off without looking back. As he was heading down the stairs to the cafeteria, another line of children (morning Kindergarteners going to the library to meet the pick-up parents) walked up the stairs. I heard, "Hi Toe! Hey Toe!" and I realized he's going to be fine. On his own. And he has crossed the line. He is no longer my preschooler. He is a big boy, an elementary schooler, in the realm of big kids.

This was reinforced at pick up time yesterday when he was mildly happy to see me but really wanted to stay and play with the kids at school. Getting him out of there was like pulling teeth, and he was very cross with me by the time I got him in the car. A snack helped and after some transition time, he was happy to be with me again. But I am realizing, he is no longer only ours. Friends and other things will take more priority as we go. And it will be fine for the Kindergarten Kid. And Mom has to keep up.

Kindergarten

J and I are scheduled to attend a meeting with Toe's teacher, the school nurse, and the school counselor tomorrow to discuss Toby's special needs related to his CF. I am in shock. First, because my baby is starting Kindergarten. Second, because there are so many protocols and things I need to keep in mind as we go in for the meeting. I have done my homework like a good girl and am now left to wonder if it will be enough. Launching into the unknown. Knowing that Toe is likely to get sick multiple times from this. I think it is worth it, though. He needs the social interaction and if orientation day was any indicator, he will love Kindergarten.

The good news: Kindergarten in our area is still a half day, so this won't be such a shock to his system. Toe is attending afternoon Kindergarten, so he doesn't have to wake up at 6am to do all of his breathing treatments and breakfast before getting to school at 8:20. We can get up at a leisurely rate and still get him to school. We'll see how it goes!

I'm pretty sure HE'S ready.

Role Model

My Dad's cousin Lenore turned 82 in June. She is one of the people I admire most in the world. She lives her life with passion and conviction. Here's a snapshot:

At 82 she is a yoga instructor. She started doing yoga under 10 years ago and trained to be an instructor in 2007/08.  She offers classes multiple days a week, specializing in yoga for those with physical limitations. She cares for a large garden - I think it's at least 1/2 an acre - and lives off the garden year round. She cares for a number of animals - most of them rescued. She keeps more than 10 fish tanks with tropical fish and amphibians. She is an outspoken advocate at both the city and state level for seniors and the poor ... She is active in mind and body and heart and I have learned so much from her. There is no way I can do her justice, so I will just share a few photos from our last visit.

If you are wondering, yes, she is the person who taught me how to make Pysanky (those eggs). She no longer produces any because she has a tremor in her hands. A terrible loss. She is very artistic and her eggs were gorgeous. Her life story could fill a book, but I'm not sure anyone would believe it. It is as incredible as she.

The New 30

I turned 40 this summer. Not sure where my 30's went. Not sure where this summer went. The celebrations lasted about a week and one hardcore friend sent me a birthday card every day of July (I think a few may have come in June, too). It was a variety of parties in a variety of groupings/scenarios, all just right for me. Thanks to everyone who attended and a special thanks to Miss Bluestars for throwing not one but three parties for me!

The barbecue the night before:

The Actual Day:

 The Hike/Picnic and Elegant Dinner/Slumber Party

After this, I crashed and burned for a few days. But the next weekend, we had another tea party with R and A!

Great times with great friends. I feel so fortunate.

Lessons From Preschool

I am regularly hearing the lessons Toe learned in preschool applied in new contexts. One of the most recent happened on a drive a few days ago. We were driving along the highway and a car pulled out in front of me. There was plenty of room, it was a normal driving scenario, but from the back I heard, "Mom, that car went in front of you!"
"Yes," I said.
"But it cut in front of you in line!" (complete indignation in his tone of voice) "At preschool the teachers say that you are not supposed to cut in front of people in line. You go to the back of the line."

I had a moment of panic as I tried to think how to explain the situation while respecting the *important* rule he had learned at preschool. In the end, I explained that drivers wait for an opening in traffic - that it was kind of like waiting for the end of one line. Because there had been a space, we were the beginning of the next line. He accepted it. This time.

The part that fascinates me is that all year I have been asking him about preschool - what he learned, who he played with, how his day went... It was like pulling teeth. I could get some information some days, but I really had to piece it together. Toe mostly reported on friendships and group dynamics. I heard next to nothing about actual lessons or curriculum. I wasn't worried, he had great teachers whom I trusted completely. But now, as we go about our business through the day, I hear Toe trying to make sense of his world through the lens of the lessons he learned in preschool. This example is probably not the best one, because it makes his preschool sound much more regimented than it really was, but it is the one that sticks in my mind because it took me by surprise. I often wonder what else is going on inside that head of his, how he is working to make sense of the things that happen in his world.

Party Party!

Toe went to his first kid birthday party yesterday. He has been invited to many others, but they have been held at the bowling alley (germs), the local kids' indoor play space (more germs), or other germy places. This one was held at the friend's house, so we went. It was perfect. There were four boys there, including the birthday boy, and the older brother had two friends, so there were only seven kids total. Mothers and fathers showed up, so it felt more like a barbecue than a birthday party. Since all of the kids had gone to the same preschool (including the older kids), they all had an understanding of how to play with each other gently, and it was just a mellow, happy get together.

I spent time getting to know some other mothers and taking photos (because that's how I roll). Toe needed a little side coaching on how to act during the present-opening portion of the event (Toe, it's about E., not about you. Your job is to sit and appreciate. This is his day.). He was thrilled that he got to drink juice AND eat watermelon. The only trouble we had was that he didn't want to leave at the end. Hopefully we will see more of these families this summer. We were all surprised to discover that we live in a one-mile radius. It is exciting to have some friends nearby.

Graduation Season

 

 I've always been sort of dubious about the number of graduations there are these days: preschool, kindergarten, elementary school... it all seemed so contrived to me. Now that I am a parent actually experiencing it, I understand why they have them.

Joseph Campbell talks about the importance of ritual and public celebration. Birth, coming of age, marriage, death, are all celebrated by the community and the individual and community are stronger for it. I get it. But, I also am beginning to understand that some of the smaller milestones need recognition too. I saw that public celebration recently at my son's preschool graduation.

It was a simple affair. The kids had hats, sat at circle for the last time, sang three songs they have learned through the year (one about respecting themselves, one about how to say no, and one about how to call on an adult figure if situations could not be resolved... I approved), and were given diplomas, books, and small tokens. The whole thing took twenty minutes.

Toe and his friends had a great time. Parents, grandparents, and siblings were there to bear witness to the last day these friends would have together in this space. The kids are moving on to three different elementary schools in the region. And Toe has come so far. At the beginning of the school year, he was terrified to be in a situation without his mom or dad there. He was reassured during the first few days of school, but also clingy. Over the months, Toe came to feel that this was his space, these were his people, and he belonged. He would walk into the room like Norm in that old tv show Cheers, knowing that his place was assured. He built many skills - most importantly, the ability to play with friends his own age. And he made some great friends, ones whom we will continue to see outside of school.

This is completely thanks to Mrs. Raihala and Ms. Allen, the wonderful teachers at Grace Preschool. They create an atmosphere of calm and respect that allows these children to feel safe, loved, and ready to explore. Learning happens through play, and children are given ample time for self exploration, as well as instruction. The kids sang, did yoga, did imaginative play, built, painted, learned to clean up.... all in a relaxed and happy atmosphere. Parents only were able to volunteer once a month, so I was only able to attend a few days, but I loved what I saw, and I love the things that I hear at home even more. 

Next year, as it stands, he will be going to Kindergarten half days at the local elementary school. We will see if the school is able to meet Toe's needs and if he stays healthy. If it doesn't work, we would send him back to Grace Preschool in a heartbeat (the education he needs is more social than academic at this point). They took care of his CF needs willingly and helped Toe learn how to interact with other people. They have created a foundation for us - the first base beyond what his parents can teach him - that will be with him for the rest of his life.

If that's not worth celebrating, I'm not sure what is.