Letting Go

It is time to let go of the baby clothes and other baby items we have saved all of these years "just in case." We have a few friends with babies the right age and that stuff should not be sitting in my basement any more. So, late one night last week, I started going through boxes. And boxes. And boxes. I only made it through 2T but it is a start.

It was an amazing journey to a different age. Many of the clothes had that Dreft (laundry detergent for babies) smell that reminds me of new babies. Various outfits reminded me of an afternoon, an outing, a particular smile. I tried not to linger on anything and sorted like a maniac. I have talked to other mothers who only have one child and don't expect to have any more -- no,  I don't think we of only children are alone. Let me start again. I have talked to other mothers who have a hard time sending the old items away. There are many reasons "What if my kids need it?" (admittedly lots of the stuff my mom saved, we used. It was cute vintage stuff!) "What if I have another baby somewhere down the road?" For me, it was finally admitting that we were done, that I do not and will not need baby clothes again. Maybe that's it for all of us. The admission that it's over.

But it is. At least for me. I have a wonderful son who will need my full attention. He's not getting any smaller. And the pile in our basement was getting out of control. So I did it. Some went to friends. Some went to the consignment shop. I saved some of the special stuff. Not necessarily the best items, but the ones that were really associated with specific memories: the jumper T. wore on his first Halloween, the outfit he wore to be tested for CF (the one I meant to change him out of because it was so old, but comfortable, and we ran out of time and I spent the whole exam worrying what the tech who was giving the test would think. I know, crazy,  right?), various cool shirts from aunts and uncles... I was actually very proud about how little I saved.

That's it. That little box. My son's first two years.

Now I have to figure out about the baby blankets. That's a whole different thing. Most of them are homemade and I just can't bear to get rid of them yet.

But there's time. And plenty of other things to get rid of. Baby bathtubs. Carseats. A crib. There's a sense of panic that goes with it, that I am trying to ignore. Panic and a manic drive to get the stuff out of my house. Yep. I'm healthy.