Re-entry

During a CF Parent Support Group meeting a couple of years ago, we had a great discussion about hospital stays. The discussion was incredibly useful and prepared me in so many ways for our hospital stay this year. I remember one parent saying, "The hospital stay itself is actually kind of nice, it's the re-entry into real life that is hard." She went on to explain that you step out of real life for a week or two and your focus is very narrow. When you get home, you must adapt to the broad array of life's chores and tasks: work, housework, bills, broken hot water heaters.

Over the course of two weeks, Toe became very used to having the full attention of two adults in the same room with him twenty-four hours a day. Since we have been home, it is a constant barrage of "Mom, play with me. Mom, look at this! Mom, play with me. Mom...!"  This is a struggle with an only child in the best of times.

Where are we, having been back a week? On the upswing. I'll be honest. This week was hard. We ran on adrenaline the first few days and hit a wall over the weekend. Sunday night, when Toe started running a fever, I started to panic. Toe had a rough night - tossed and turned. So did I - with worry. Was he getting sick again? How could he be sick, when we had just returned from the hospital and hadn't gone anywhere? What was I doing wrong?

The kid is fine. We kept him home two days. He needed a little more recovery time. He is still pale and tires easily. He does ok in school, but has melt downs when he gets home. He is facing each day with as much as he can muster (and for the general public, he looks like a complete bundle of positive energy).

J and I are exhausted. Monday and Tuesday I was afraid my anxiety/depression had been activated enough that I would go over the cliff into full depression mode. I shut down. Toe and I stayed in bed until noon on both Monday and Tuesday. I have felt better the past two days and think I'm on the mend, but it will take time.

Meanwhile, J and I have both gone back to work and Toe has gone back to school. I am working slowly to unpack from the hospital and find places for Toe's Christmas haul.