Clearing Out

A moving van perfect for three. Thank goodness we're not actually moving.

Closing down Lenore's estate continues. We have gone through the house, found the photos, journals, and other important papers, chosen the items we want to keep, offered items to friends... Lenore was a relatively organized person with a fairly organized house. However, she had lived there thirty years. This process has taken time and been emotionally draining.

I have spent almost every Friday in Portland since Lenore was diagnosed at Christmas, first with her, then closing down her house. I have been supported by my mom, my dear friend AL, and Lenore's friend Michelle. We have sifted, unpacked, sorted, packed, had work parties with larger groups....The process is ongoing.

A weekend about a month ago it became time to pick up the furniture for our family, my mom, and my sister. We rented a moving van in our own small town because we had a couch to take to some friends, drove to Portland, unloaded the couch, and then the friends helped us load up at Lenore's. Apparently my spacial prediction skills are not that great - we rented a much bigger van than we needed. Better too big than too small.

An interesting experience: renting a U-Haul, but not actually moving

It was painful to watch the items leaving Lenore's, even knowing that they were coming to us... Every step makes it less Lenore's house and more a shell... I took a walk in the back yard and her rose garden is already in bloom. Here's what I harvested that day and send home with our friends:

Seeing all of those blooms and knowing that she's not here to enjoy them was maybe the hardest part of the day for me. Len was a very earthy and sensual person - she enjoyed how things looked, tasted, smelled, felt. She appreciated beauty in many forms and her garden gave her so much pleasure. Her house and garden were an extension of her self.

Since then, the rose bushes have gone crazy. They are covered with blooms, some of them more than 10 feet high. The back yard has become a rosy jungle.

I am learning a lot from this process. One is that everything in the estate/probate process takes considerably more time to complete than I anticipate.The house is no exception. The clean-out continues. The Portland trips continue.... I suppose this shouldn't surprise me. A life is an amazing and complicated thing; closing down a life is no different. In this complete process I am gaining new respect for those people who have helped aging parents, who have lost relatives and then had to close things down. I did this when my dad died ten years ago, but his estate was incredibly simple, and my memory has been very selective. I remembered the grief (still feel it), but forgot how raw I was for the first six months. I remembered how overwhelming the tasks were, but had forgotten why.