Birthday Boy

 Toe turned ten this week. He has lived a DECADE. When Toe was a month old, my mother found a bicycle at a garage sale and bought it for him. At that point, the thought of living with Toe's cystic fibrosis was so difficult for me that I told Mom I didn't want to see the bike. I couldn't. It caused me so much anxiety, she had to hide it on her front porch. Toe was so little and fragile, I was terrified that he would never grow old  enough to learn to ride.

It turns out that the kid's a fighter. He has amazing resilience, and when he gets the right medications, his body responds really well. Although he has a chronic illness, he spends most of his time as a healthy, thriving child. We have been incredibly lucky.

The bike Mom bought has now been ridden and outgrown. Toe long ago shed training wheels and finally, LAST WEEK, mastered the subtle art of starting himself, rather than needing a push each time. We have actually been on a couple of family bike rides and are now anticipating the adventures we can have.

Toe's health could turn with any cold, and during flu season we do due diligence to keep him healthy: flu shot, hand washing, shower after school, avoiding large crowds... but it has become simply part of our routine.

We have all grown in the last ten years. J and I have a greater understanding of Toe's illness and what we need to do to provide him the best opportunity for health and growth. We also know that all of the maintenance and prevention we do might not keep him from getting sick. I am learning to let go of that feeling that the "other shoe is going to drop" and enjoy the present moment. There are challenges ahead. Some, including a surgery for nasal polyps, are on the near horizon. Others, like puberty, high school, and college, are out there waiting. I don't dwell on them. I can't predict where we will be with Toe's health when we get there. But they don't make me freeze the way they once did. This acceptance is an ongoing process. It is easier when he is healthy than when we face long stretches of illness or admission to the hospital; but each day we are learning how to navigate this highly unstable lifestyle and to enjoy the present moment. And truthfully, there are SO MANY joys.

The candles to share with the Texas Grandparents on an improvised "cake"

SO. The tenth birthday. Toe went to school. He arrived home to streamers and balloons. He shared "blowing out the candles" with his Texas grandparents via FaceTime (see our impromptu cake above - the real one was in the oven), called his cousin, and later spoke with his Uncle Awesome who called from the jungles of Peru. One of my dear friends stopped by to bring Toe a watermelon (the key to his heart) and huge hugs. We pulled a gallon of freshly squeezed apple cider (from our backyard apple trees) from the freezer (J and Toe went to a cider pressing with friends in October) and I managed to sort of decorate a cake (a huge feat for me! The whole thing looked like the "crumb layer" for a while).

The inside of the cake.Yes, that much food coloring IS frightening.

A Minecraft Creeper. Or a frog. Your choice.

Toe had his very first sleepover. His best friend arrived in time for dinner (brisket from Texas from the Texas grandparents and "the fixin's" - potatoes, corn, slaw, white bread...). Toe's friend is sweet and easy-going and the boys played really well together all evening. They stayed up VERY late, but were respectful and did not get cranky with each other, although Friend kiddo was tired and Toe was wired and pacing. They woke up early enough in the morning to play for a few hours before Friend's dad picked him up. An hour after Friend left, my mom and step-dad arrived to share a little time with the birthday boy.

The days were kind of magical. J and I were kind of excited to face a new challenge (a kid sleepover!) that did not have a medical bent. Toe was able to be a regular kid enjoying his birthday (albeit, one who does breathing treatments and takes pills...). Friend kiddo completely went with the flow, keeping Toe company during breathing treatment and washing his hands regularly. Toe floated blissfully through the days.

THIS! IS! SPARTA! XD -Toe

Ten. I am thrilled. This experience with this boy is a beautiful one. It is sometimes hard, sometimes frustrating, sometimes scary, but those hard times make the joyful ones that much more precious.