... aaaaaannnnnddd the house.....

 No, we are not moved in yet. As with most old houses that you purchase that have been rentals for years and then shut down for six months, there was some work that needed to be done. And when I say some, I mean quite a bit. And we discovered more as we went. "Hey J, while I was taking tape down from painting the ceiling, I noticed the hood over the stove is sticky. I don't think there's a vent to the outside on that hood!" (the inspector missed that one).

So, there were the knowns: two toilets to fix, wall heaters to fix, some front porch steps needed replacing, heating vents that needed cleaning, yada yada. And, there were the discoveries: no kitchen vent, leaking valves and pipes, leaky windows on the porch....

We've been working on it, and had people helping us work on it, and we've had contractors working on it.... and we plan on moving in just over a week. And I'm sure we'll continue working on it forever. A friend of mine once said, "You're buying a house? Go dig a hole in the back yard and just start dumping money in it. It'll be cheaper."

The majority of the repairs were not visible, but we have made some fun changes, too. Lots of painting.

  

We also pulled out the carpet in the living room and had bamboo floors put in. That's the big one. I LOVE it.

Did I mention this house is smaller than the one we live in now?? So, I'm sure I'll be writing about garage sales soon after the move.

Pseudomonas aeruginosa: Bad, Scary, Ick, Boo

Pseudomonas (su-da-mohn-us) showed up in Toe's last CF clinic sputum (mucus in the throat) culture. Pseudomonas is bad. Scary bad. How scary? Only time will tell...

Pseudomonas aeruginosa is defined by the CF Foundation as a "bacteria that causes many lung problems in people with CF. It can be resistant to antibiotics. It can be spread between people with CF." Up to 80% of CF patients eventually become infected with Pa.

For the general public, Pa is generally known for causing "hot tub rash." It is the slimy film that exists on the walls of poorly cleaned hot tubs. I'd venture to guess it is also the pink slimy stuff that grows on the bottoms of shower curtains and in sinks that have not been cleaned regularly (not that I am personally familiar with either of those forms of slime). It's not a huge deal. But, if you have CF, cancer, or are immunosuppressed,  and it gets in your lungs, it gets complicated.

 Pa is spread through contact - with random objects, between people who have CF, on improperly cleaned respiratory equipment. It can live on objects for hours. It exists in nature, in sinks, on skin, on counter tops and tables.

Here's my understanding of how it works: Once you have caught Pa, it forms a slimy coating inside your lungs. The slimy coating holds in other bad bacteria. Pneumonia, for example, can get trapped under the layer of Pseudomonas and then be almost impossible to treat because the Pseudomonas is antibiotic resistant.  I think it also produces toxic proteins that can cause tissue damage. You hear sometimes about AIDS patients or the elderly dying of pneumonia? Yeah, sometimes that is caused by Pseudomonas.

I have sort of been under the impression that catching Pseudomonas is seen by parents of kids with CF as the beginning of a downward health spiral. Having said that, our clinic nurse, Ben, said that they do not see Pseudomonas as a huge game changer. The advantage (as compared to other bad bacteria) is that it can be managed with inhaled antibiotics, confusingly known as TOBI (short for Tobramyacin). Can you see the conversations? "I'm going to put Toby on TOBI." We've had them.

The Big Toe caught Pseudomonas when he was five months old and we were able to "eradicate" it with aggressive oral antibiotics and TOBI treatments for a month. At the time I thought "eradicate" meant "get rid of," but I now understand it to mean something more like cancer's  term "remission." Ben says that once a kiddo has caught Pa, it is only a matter of time before it comes back. It can be 5 years, can be 10. There is a 35-45% chance that we can re-eradicate the Pseudomonas. If we do, Toe will have taken TOBI for a month and we will go back to normal. If not, Toe will take TOBI twice a day for a month, every other month, for the rest of his life (another addition to the twice-daily breathing treatment routine that now runs 1-1.5 hours each time).

So, back to last month. Routine check up. Toe's had a sort of crazy dry cough since May, but we thought it was just a case of asthma (the kind with just a cough, no wheezing) and were treating it with FloVent. About a week later, we were notified that he had Pseudomonas. It was the same day we were called in to sign papers on the house. Signing for the house was not high on my priority list that day. We made it through and then had to wait for the antibiotics to arrive (special shipment - must be kept refrigerated). We are doing a month of TOBI and then we go back to the clinic for another sputum culture.

We know he could have caught it anywhere, but we are stuck wondering where he caught it. Did we do something wrong? Was it a fluke? Was it something that is a part of our routine? Was it the swimming lessons? Second and third and fourth guessing. And all we can try to do is tame the questions, push them back, and face RIGHT NOW.

So, right now, TOBI is added to the breathing treatments. Toe doesn't like it. Says it tastes awful. The whiffs I get are pretty nasty. But, we are glad the treatment exists. We'll keep you posted.

Sources: Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's website: cff.org
Pseudomonas Genome Database: http://www.pseudomonas.com/p_aerug.jsp

Short Sale

Keep your fingers crossed!

 We have been trying to buy this house since August. We might close sometime in 2014. There is nothing short about a short sale.

A short sale, for those of you who are not familiar, is a house sale where the owner purchased the house for much more than it is currently worth. For whatever reason, the owner chooses/is forced to sell the house and the bank where the loan was taken out allows the owner (now referred to as the seller) to sell the house at current market value, thereby taking a loss (coming up short), but avoiding foreclosure. This has become a more common type of sale since the housing market fell apart a few years ago. The process is more complicated and time consuming than a regular sale, but if you find a house you love and are willing to take the time and the risk, can be a good deal.

On a walk on my 40th birthday (in early July), my friend Nancy pointed out her old house (she lived there 15 years and multiple owners ago). She noted sadly that some of it had gone into disrepair and I commented on how big the yard was. We noticed the house was for sale. We continued on to the park so my five year old could play (a block away).

About two weeks later, J and I decided it was time to buy a house. Housing prices are as low as I think they will get in this area and it felt like the right time. We started house hunting with a realtor we have known for years and who has helped some of our friends find houses. After viewing a number of houses, we asked to see this one on a whim. Jason fell in love before we walked into the house. The lock box entry was in the back yard, a large space with a small orchard, an arbor, an open and a covered deck, and a small shed. Cherries were just going out and the apples were just coming in.

Back yard orchard is on left: apple, cherry, and crab apple

Back yard from corner of the house

The yard is a good size for us - enough nooks and crannies for Toe, a place for a table and chairs, but not too much....  It will need some serious work to get it together, but has a wonderful combination of wildness and landscaping.

Want to do some yard work? This was taken in AUGUST.

 The house itself is pretty wonderful. It is right in town, but is on a corner lot and close to a local park with a playground. Within walking distance of downtown. A large front room. Level floors (unusual in many older homes in Astoria). New, double paned windows (HUGE.), a new roof, a sauna in the basement.... The house is quirky and needs work, but has the potential to be a great house for us.

Front room. The entryway/mud room is off to the right.

Bedrooms are converted attic and raised roof. They are odd shapes and hard to photograph.

 And so we put in an offer. And we waited for the requisite 45 days for the seller's bank to decide whether they liked our offer. A counter offer and a counter-counter offer and negotiations later, we started the process of buying the house. That was in October. To say our mortgage processor is a stickler for details and a fan of red tape would be a gross understatement. We were given the approval to purchase the house on Friday.

The kitchen is small but recently renovated

Back room. Dining room to start. Attached to stairs leading up, a bathroom, the kitchen, stairs leading to the basement, a passage to the front room, and the back door. Needless to say, you are looking at the only wall space in the room. The room is essentially doors.

 And so, after months of waiting, not knowing whether to pack or not, we have a second closing date set for next Friday. Because we have known of short sales to fall apart at the very last minute, we did not want to start packing until we were sure that this thing was actually happening.

Main bathroom is off the "dining room" on the main level. There is a half bath upstairs. Needs a paint job. I like purple as much as the next person but....

 I'll believe it when I see it; but we are close enough that I am willing to share our excitement a little now. J is READY and is scheduling duct cleaners, the contractor to do some repairs that are beyond our abilities, and a few other things.

I think I'd better start packing now...

Bouncy Birthday

Because of  Toe's CF and our need to avoid germs, Toe has not been to many kids' birthday parties. They are often held at indoor play spaces (germs), bowling alleys (more germs), or other public venues and in general we have avoided them. Last summer he was able to attend one at a friend's house that was simply wonderful, but that has pretty much been it. Until Saturday.

My friend has a son nine months younger than Toe. They play together really well and over the past year, we have had  a number of play dates together. When she emailed that Mr. G's fifth birthday was coming up and it would be held at the local "Bouncy House," I couldn't say no. So we went. Toe loved it. He loved the three bouncy houses, the things to ride on, and playing with the other kids . The party had a relatively small group of kids and there were not many other visitors to the place that day. I put myself in zen mode and went with the flow. Toe ate applesauce and carrots with juice for lunch (forget his high fat diet) and played for two solid hours.

Afterward, we drove 1 mile to my mother's house, stripped him, and put him in the shower. One shower and a change of clothes later, we headed home.

It is tough finding a balance for Toe's health. I don't want him to get sick, but I want him to have as normal a childhood as possible. It seems that every choice we make is a calculated risk. I think Kindergarten has been good for me in that regard. It certainly is a calculated risk every day; and in comparison, the Bouncy House didn't seem so bad. Toe now wants to celebrate his birthday (in January) at the Bouncy House. We're going to have to really think about that one.

So now we wait to see if he caught anything....

Consequences

Well, Toby learned a new word yesterday: consequences. He was already familiar with cause and effect: if you have your hand near a nail and miss, you will likely hit your hand. He's not great at predicting cause and effect, but he respects my judgement most of the time.

I must preface this story by saying no none got hurt, nor did anything major occur. But I feel that by introducing that word to Toe, we have entered a new phase in our relationship, one where Toe is expected to take more responsibility for his actions.

I also have to say, being an only child sometimes stinks. You can't get away with anything. If Toe had a younger sibling, this event would have probably gone unnoticed or would have happened with a quick clean up and not the "consequences" that happened. I have a niece who does this kind of stuff regularly when my sister's back is turned.

The first time it happened, I let it slide.

Toe was given a lovely box of blocks that had a layer of Styrofoam at the bottom. The blocks nestled perfectly inside the box and it took some serious concerted effort to make them fit. It was a puzzle complicated for an adult, so the blocks were moved to a bigger venue. The box with the Styrofoam has remained in the living room. One day I found Toe poking holes in the Styrofoam with a drumstick. He was having such fun, I didn't want to take it away from him. I said, "Hey Buddy, did you ask me if you could do that?" Long pause.
"No."
"Next time, ask me before you start tearing apart something like that. I'm fine with it, but ask please."
"Ok Mom."
He went on poking holes.

Toe has worked on this piece for weeks. Slowly ripping off pieces, rolling them in his fingers until they break into small pieces, poking holes in the middle and seeing if any pieces drop off. It has been a complete project and I have been fascinated by the intensity with which he approaches this.

He got ready to work on it the other day and I said, "There are getting to be a lot of little pieces in there. You can play with it in the box, but I don't want you to get any on the floor."

Thirty minutes later, his bedroom floor was covered with Styrofoam snow. "Toby, I TOLD you I didn't want you to get any on the floor. Now you need to pick it up, every last piece."

Toe said, "You'll help me, right?'

"NO," I said,"I won't."

"But that's not fair," he said, "We should pick it up together." (we do almost always clean together).

"Not fair?" My voice was rising a little by this time, "I ASKED you not to spread that around and you  CHOSE to do it anyway. When that happens, there are consequences for your actions. You need to clean it up."

Long pause. "Ok, you might have a point there." Longer pause as he picked up the tiny pieces, then, "Mom, this goes a lot faster if we work together..."

Needless to say, Toe picked up all of the Styrofoam pieces and we talked about how hard they are to pick up. I told him that when I was his age, we had a bean bag chair with a bad leak and my mom removed all of the Styrofoam balls and stuffed it with giant chunks of foam rubber (not the most uncomfortable solution, but highly unattractive to a five year old).

All in all, I think the lesson went pretty smoothly. Time will tell if it stuck. The more I thought about it, the more I realize that consequences are a huge part of our adult lives. And often, we don't think about consequences when we act. Or we weigh the consequences with our desire to do whatever it is and desire wins. When I go to bed late, I often do it with the knowledge that I will pay for it the next day or the day after (this gets worse, the older I get). When I eat foods that are great for Toe, but not so great for me, I pay for it over time. Pretty much every action has a positive or negative consequence, and although I advocate living in the moment as much as you can, I also believe it is important to be aware that choices made now will have those consequences. Toe's lesson could have been easily applied to many of the choices I make, except as a grown up I don't get called on it as often.

So, consequences. You can bet Toe and I both will be paying a little better attention to the possible outcomes of our actions.

Junior Ranger

The Netul Landing, about a mile from the site

 On a sunny day a few weeks ago, I took Toe to Fort Clatsop for the first time. It was a perfect afternoon - sunny with little wind. We decided to hike in, so we parked at the Netul Landing and began to walk. Along the way, we stopped to look at "fuzzy bear" caterpillars, dried leaves, and anything else that struck our fancy. We saw a heron perched on a tree nearby. The river was beautiful.

On the trail

I have not been to the fort since it burned down and was rebuilt (around 1997). Sadly, there were no demonstrations that day, but they now have a large screen computer in the lobby of the Visitors' Center that has videos of candle making, rifle loading, bullet making, and other demonstrations they do through the summer. They also have an incredible movie of the Lewis and Clark Expedition told from the Clatsop/Chinook perspective. It does a really great job of putting the Expedition into the context of the people who actually lived here all of the time. We learned about Clatsop/Chinook lifestyles and perspectives.

At the National Parks, they have a Junior Ranger program where they give you a workbook (ours was for kids ages 3-8) where you do the same number of pages as your age (for Toe - 5 pages) and then you receive a Junior Ranger badge. The pages offer a variety of projects: coloring, word find, plant identification, a rebus story, map identification. It was a great way to help Toe pay attention and the payoff was pretty amazing. He had to take the Junior Ranger pledge and then was given a badge and some patches. After the pledge, the volunteer at the desk got on the loudspeaker and announced that someone had just earned their junior ranger badge and everyone there (all grandparents - the area draws them this time of year) applauded. Toe left the Fort glowing. I can see we likely have Boy Scouts in our future.

Guarding the Fort

With permission from Toe, here is Toe's journal entry from that day (he dictates and I ask him questions and between the two of us we get it written down):

"I became a Junior Ranger in just five and a half years. Young, huh? It had mostly to do with the pledge. It also had to do with my Junior Ranger stuff. I am Captain of the tribe.

We went to Fort Clatsop today. We walked two miles - one there, one back. That's kind of like the Aquarium to Dama's. A lot of blocks is a mile. We walked on a rocky path. We found three fuzzy bears along the way - two going forward and one on the way back. Today was a great day. Sadly I didn't find any more fuzzle wuzzle bears. I named them all. One was Fuzzy Bear. Another was Cuddlepie or cut-a-pie. My brain says I don't think I remember the third one.

At Fort Clatsop we saw some trees. We saw the Fort. The fort was a place that went back a lot of years ago. We saw movies - of a mother telling young people that her father traded with Lewis and Clark. There was another woman, she had a baby (Mom's note: Sacagawea). There was another movie where they were firing a gun and a cockpit (?). You had to load it every time because it was a single shot weapon. And sadly the animal would run away if you missed, because he'd see you shoot."

Playing soldier, allowing entrance to the fort

Pretending we lived there

Taking the Junior Ranger pledge

His new badge

On the Trail on the way back, Toe stopped everyone we ran into and dug through his pockets to pull out the two patches he earned and had to show the patches and his badge. Every person we ran into took the time to listen to him and wait while he fished around the gazillion pockets of his Junior Ranger vest (gift from Mom for the occasion. I couldn't help it). Thank you to all of the grandparents who take the time to listen to random five year olds!

Real Men

I was walking along the Riverwalk yesterday when I saw a man who obviously works out, with his baseball cap on backward, pushing a stroller with a small fluffy dog inside. He walked beside a woman walking another small fluffy dog. I wish I could share the image with you, but I thought he probably wouldn't take kindly to my asking to photograph him for my  blog. He was truly a juxtaposition of images. "Now that's a Real Man," I thought.

And then I felt silly, because I know nothing about this person, really. What a stereotype I made. And really, what makes a real man? You see posts  and images on Facebook (We don't watch tv, so I don't see commercials, but I'm sure they are the same) all of the time - real men respect women. Real men watch football. Real men take out the garbage. The list goes on. Everybody has an opinion.

Truthfully what makes a real man? The Y chromosome, maybe. Although there are transgender people who would argue even that and I certainly would not argue with anyone who worked so hard to become a man.

I know many men, and they all have different qualities I admire and different deficiencies (don't we all? I do!).

I have a similar problem with the "Real Women" images and statements I hear. Real women have curves (some don't). Real women are strong (what does that mean?). Sometimes I like the "real women" statements because they maybe apply to me or I want them to apply to me, but that doesn't mean it applies to everybody.

Personally I think J is a real man because he is who he is and doesn't worry if something is manly or not. If he likes pink, he wears it. If he wants to kiss his son in public, he does. He is a goofball. He is a nerd. He is himself.

I admit that there are some qualities that we a society prefer men to adhere to: Men don't use unnecessary violence or sexual aggression on other people, for example. But some men do. Does that make them not "Real Men?"

Here are some of the qualities I hope to instill in my son as he grows. They are culled from many of the men I know (and I am very lucky to know a lot of wonderful, caring, delightful men).

• Respect. A respect for people, animals, his surroundings. This one is maybe the most important to me. I highly value people who treat others and things with respect.
• Compassion.
• A sense of humor and the ability to see the humorous and absurd in hard situations.
• Emotional Intelligence. He should be able to identify (if not understand) his feelings and the feelings of others.
• The ability to share love and to have moments of gentleness.
• A willingness to compromise but also a knowledge of what is a deal breaker.
• The ability to negotiate, discuss, and problem solve.
• Confidence (physical, emotional, mental).
• The understanding that we all make mistakes and that you learn from it and let it go.
• Kindness (and the ability to stand up for others who need it)
• An understanding of the difference between joking around and mean teasing.
• An ability to make and keep both male and female friends.
• To have passions and not feel guilt even if they are not popular.

I don't know... the list goes on.
Will he achieve these lofty goals I have for him? Maybe not all...Likely not all. Will that make him less of a man? No.