Real Men

I was walking along the Riverwalk yesterday when I saw a man who obviously works out, with his baseball cap on backward, pushing a stroller with a small fluffy dog inside. He walked beside a woman walking another small fluffy dog. I wish I could share the image with you, but I thought he probably wouldn't take kindly to my asking to photograph him for my  blog. He was truly a juxtaposition of images. "Now that's a Real Man," I thought.

And then I felt silly, because I know nothing about this person, really. What a stereotype I made. And really, what makes a real man? You see posts  and images on Facebook (We don't watch tv, so I don't see commercials, but I'm sure they are the same) all of the time - real men respect women. Real men watch football. Real men take out the garbage. The list goes on. Everybody has an opinion.

Truthfully what makes a real man? The Y chromosome, maybe. Although there are transgender people who would argue even that and I certainly would not argue with anyone who worked so hard to become a man.

I know many men, and they all have different qualities I admire and different deficiencies (don't we all? I do!).

I have a similar problem with the "Real Women" images and statements I hear. Real women have curves (some don't). Real women are strong (what does that mean?). Sometimes I like the "real women" statements because they maybe apply to me or I want them to apply to me, but that doesn't mean it applies to everybody.

Personally I think J is a real man because he is who he is and doesn't worry if something is manly or not. If he likes pink, he wears it. If he wants to kiss his son in public, he does. He is a goofball. He is a nerd. He is himself.

I admit that there are some qualities that we a society prefer men to adhere to: Men don't use unnecessary violence or sexual aggression on other people, for example. But some men do. Does that make them not "Real Men?"

Here are some of the qualities I hope to instill in my son as he grows. They are culled from many of the men I know (and I am very lucky to know a lot of wonderful, caring, delightful men).

• Respect. A respect for people, animals, his surroundings. This one is maybe the most important to me. I highly value people who treat others and things with respect.
• Compassion.
• A sense of humor and the ability to see the humorous and absurd in hard situations.
• Emotional Intelligence. He should be able to identify (if not understand) his feelings and the feelings of others.
• The ability to share love and to have moments of gentleness.
• A willingness to compromise but also a knowledge of what is a deal breaker.
• The ability to negotiate, discuss, and problem solve.
• Confidence (physical, emotional, mental).
• The understanding that we all make mistakes and that you learn from it and let it go.
• Kindness (and the ability to stand up for others who need it)
• An understanding of the difference between joking around and mean teasing.
• An ability to make and keep both male and female friends.
• To have passions and not feel guilt even if they are not popular.

I don't know... the list goes on.
Will he achieve these lofty goals I have for him? Maybe not all...Likely not all. Will that make him less of a man? No.