Yesterday, as we were working through our morning breathing treatment, Toe said to me, "I don't want to go to school today. I just want to stay home and play with you." My heart dropped.
"Don't worry," I said, "today is a short day and I'll make sure that we don't have to do any errands after school so we can just play." This seemed to pacify him for the time being. The poor kid has had a rough time. The start of school coincided with a bout of antibiotics, which involves an extra breathing treatment. Between meals, school, breathing treatment, and transitions (to and from school, the shower to eradicate germs after, etc.), the boy has had little time to play. Antibiotics also traditionally are hard on his body. He is wired all the time, talking a mile a minute and having trouble with focusing/ concentration. Imagine Robin Williams doing stand up in the 80's, ant that's what it's like to live with Toe 24/7. He has trouble sleeping and little appetite. We know they are necessary, but it is hard slog getting through them.
However, when we got to school, he didn't want me to leave him in the line with the other Kinders outside the school like we have done for days. He wanted me to escort him into the school. Inside the school, he wanted me to escort him downstairs to the cafeteria. I got him to sit down and was ready to leave when he said, "I want my MOMMY!" in this desperate voice. I went upstairs and got a visitor's pass and sat with him through lunch. He snuggled into me the whole time. When their teacher came, I knew it was time. He wanted me to escort him to the classroom door and I said, "I have to go now, I need to turn my pass in at the office and I need to go up these stairs to do it." I knew he would be ok when I left, but I wanted to allow him the time he felt he needed (within reason) to separate.
I am so conflicted about this. I remember hating Kindergarten because it was much more fun to be at home with my favorite people (my family). I did not remember that I caught scarlet fever in my first weeks of Kindergarten - Mom had a brand new baby and thought my complaining was to get a chance to stay home....I went from strep throat to scarlet fever rapidly. Mom is still mortified.
Last year in preschool, as each day passed, Toe became more excited to go to school. He had friends, he got to play and explore with new things, he came to have a second home. Public school is so different. Can be so different. I am pretty sure Toe has a good teacher. I have had positive interactions with her. Her classroom is inviting and has a good balance of play/educational materials. She seems really together and has taken our specific CF needs in stride. I think it's just the nature of the beast.
Toe is having to learn institutional social structure - how to walk in lines, how and when to pay attention. He comes home telling me about songs he learned or games he played in P.E. and they sound Kinder appropriate. But the teacher has admitted she is feeling the half day pressure. She has a lot of material that she needs to teach and a short amount of time to do it. So free play is limited and recess does not happen every day. Meanwhile, they are taking the week to work on the word "the" (also Kinder appropriate, but this can not be helping my boy who is a fluent reader pay attention. Not the teacher's fault, just a reality).
We have discussed home schooling Toe, but realized early on that he needed a kind of socialization/social interaction I can't give him. You get it from interacting with children your own age. Before that we had never considered preschool. But we realized that Preschool and Kindergarten are really the main areas of school where you get any kind of social instruction for dealing with groups, working with others, learning how to compromise and share, and just generally how to get along with others. Toe is great with adults when he is the center of attention, but he needs work with other children. If we had other children, I don't think this would be as much of an issue.
So then the plan was that we would put him in preschool and maybe Kindergarten and then see how it went. Preschool was fantastic. Better than I could have hoped for. And when it was the end of the year and everyone was getting ready to move on, we considered keeping Toe at the preschool for another year and then putting him in first grade. But all of his friends were moving on and when we went to the local Kinder registration, Toe said to me, "MOM! Next year I'm going to KINDERGARTEN!" We opted to try it.
We have put in a lot of work in preparation, getting everyone up to speed on CF. And I feel we should at least give it a chance considering how much the staff has been willing and ready to accommodate our child's unique needs and also that this is only the first week of school. I believe in public school, I do.
Having said this, a small part of me whispers, "If he's just going to get sick from this, why are we doing it? If we're homeschooling next year or the year after, why are we putting in all of this effort now? Shouldn't we just pull him and send him back to preschool where he will be getting the social instruction he needs? I'm pretty sure he's going to be bored with the curriculum. I could do this..."
When Toe got home, I asked him if he's liking Kindergarten. He said, "I think I want to be liking Kindergarten." I asked him if there was anything he didn't like about it. He said he didn't like that he had to listen to the teacher all of the time and there was not enough playing. I think that's a fair assessment.
In a weird twist of fate, Toe had funny blisters on his hands that were odd enough that I kept him home today. One doctor visit later, we are still clueless about the rash/blisters but we have the ok to send him to school again.
I asked him tonight if he liked Kindergarten and he said yes. I know the antibiotics and breathing treatments are causing frustration because even with no school today we had a rough day and Toe was complaining about everything I did (not enough play). At the doctor's office, he was downright manic, talking nonstop the entire time.The poor kid is struggling.
I don't have any answers. We will continue to send him for school for a few months to see how it goes and probably reassess then. In the meantime, this is a major transition that looks to be a little bumpy.
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