The Kindergarten Kid

 Is it possible for a child to literally be changed overnight? I took my son to Kindergarten Wednesday, a young child and yesterdayI had an independent elementary school kid. It has been coming for a while, but it seemed like a pronounced difference between the two days.

Stepping back a bit, Toe started Kindergarten this week at the elementary school where my father taught in the mid '80's.  When we went in for our early meeting with his teacher, the school nurse, and the school counselor, we went into the basement at the opposite end of the hall from my father's old classroom. Very surreal. We went into the school last week for a meeting with the staff to agree on the procedures and protocols surrounding Toe's CF. There are many. He needs to be kept in separate rooms from the other child at the school with CF (the bad bacteria in their lungs is not contagious except to each other). This means a choreographed dance as they each go to get enzymes from the office. Toe has accommodations in the classroom and the school. The meeting was productive and satisfactory. I left feeling that our needs will be met.

The first day of school was overwhelming for me. Toe goes in the afternoon and the first thing they do is go to lunch. This means no real check-in in the classroom. It was slightly chaotic and there were a lot a lot a lot of kids in the building - all K-2. We took him to the cafeteria and left him settling into eating his lunch. I managed to keep it together until we got back into the car. I thought I was really fine with Toe making this transition, but .... not so much.

It hit me as a complete surprise. I worry about his medical issues but not so much about him as a person. After seeing the chaos, all of those kids, I was hit with the overwhelming fears - what happens if he gets lost? What happens if he gets scared and forgets how to ask for help? What happens if he gets sick today? What if he forgets to wash his hands enough. He went to preschool last year, but his class had twenty children in it. We must have gone past a hundred children as we entered the school. I think the total school population is over 300 (all K-2. Imagine the number of runny noses this winter and you will see why I panicked! Yes, I know all kids get sick in winter, but K-2 still use their sleeves or just let it run down their noses more...).

 As we left the building I wondered why we were going to all of this trouble and risk and why we didn't send Toe back to his wonderful preschool for another year and then put him in first grade. BTW, I do have answers for this: Toe is excited to be with his peers from last year. He needs to learn institutional discipline (walking in rows, listening to the teacher, etc.) if he is going to continue in public school. Kindergarten is half day, 5 days a week - a good transition to a the full day of first grade. If we plan to have Toe go to public school at all, this is an important step. And the most important one: Toe is excited to go to Kindergarten. However, if he does get sick too much this year, we can send him back to the preschool if necessary. I just want to make sure it is the right choice and not a choice because I feel better about it.

I came home and cried to J and called my mom. My girlfriends came over and calmed me down.

When I went to pick Toe up, he didn't want to leave. The next day, he was excited to get to school.That day parent drop off happened in the lobby. We waited in the lobby until the kids from the  bus came in, walking single file, and then Toe tagged on at the end of the line and went off without looking back. As he was heading down the stairs to the cafeteria, another line of children (morning Kindergarteners going to the library to meet the pick-up parents) walked up the stairs. I heard, "Hi Toe! Hey Toe!" and I realized he's going to be fine. On his own. And he has crossed the line. He is no longer my preschooler. He is a big boy, an elementary schooler, in the realm of big kids.

This was reinforced at pick up time yesterday when he was mildly happy to see me but really wanted to stay and play with the kids at school. Getting him out of there was like pulling teeth, and he was very cross with me by the time I got him in the car. A snack helped and after some transition time, he was happy to be with me again. But I am realizing, he is no longer only ours. Friends and other things will take more priority as we go. And it will be fine for the Kindergarten Kid. And Mom has to keep up.